Calico Girl Read online

  “We must abide as best as we can until there are better times,” he told her.

  “For now, Callie, in your mistress, Catherine, we have some protection,” he explained, still holding her hand. “Try to understand.”

  Callie could not keep her gaze on her papa’s face. He wanted her to look into his eyes so she would understand his heart. But Callie could not control the tears that filled her eyes and spilled down her face. Callie knew all too well what he meant but she had promised herself to refuse to try to understand. Papa brought her in close while she cried.

  “I don’t know how I can live in this world without Joseph,” she whispered to Papa through her tears. And I don’t know how he is supposed to live in the world alone without us, his family.”

  Papa tried explaining to her the way things worked in the world they lived in. But Callie could not make right sense of the things he told her. She often wondered how her mistress, Catherine, could have a brother in her papa, who was born a slave, and was promised to never be sold away, and when he became a certain age he was given his freedom. This promise was kept. It would happen for Callie because she was Hampton’s daughter. How could it be, she wondered, that Mister Henry could have the say in pulling Papa’s family apart?

  • • •

  Once, long ago, Callie asked her papa how he felt when he became free. He looked at her and smiled.

  “It was wonderful and strange,” he said. “I felt like myself, only bigger inside. There was something that made me feel as if I was newly born. When your time comes, the star that shines for you will shine even brighter, my Callista,” he said, hugging her to his chest.

  Her papa promised her when she received her freedom papers he would take some of the money he was saving to send her to school in the North.

  “You have a questioning mind, Callie. You have opinions about everything. You want to know about the world around you. Your heart is strong and you need this strength to live in this kind of world,” he said. “Learn everything you can, so that you can bring that wisdom to others. You will make a good teacher.”

  And yet, when Callie thought on these things she wondered how freedom would truly feel for her.

  How will I be able to go to school in the North and leave those I love when they do not have their freedom? This freedom can never be true for Mama Ruth, Joseph, and Little Charlie. Mister Henry owns them outright. He has never made—nor will he ever make—such a promise to them. He has said so many times, and this day proves it.

  Most every night before she went to sleep, Callie thought about slave property and ownership.

  I wonder on wonders why the world has been made this way. If God made this world why is this not a good world for the slave? It doesn’t seem good to me.

  My mother died before I could know her. At my birth, Papa says, something went wrong as she brought me into the world. But when Mister Henry finally allowed Mistress to send for the doctor, it was too late.

  Sometimes in the secret of the night when things were quiet and still, Callie would let herself feel such hateful thoughts about Mister Henry.

  “He robbed me of my mother,” she would cry. Then her anguish would turn toward Suse.

  But when these times happened, rivers of sadness would pour over Callie because she knew her feelings were not right. It was not Suse’s fault, Callie knew, even though she took after Mister Henry too much for her liking.

  Then Callie would think how this would hurt Mama Ruth.

  I have a good mother in Mama Ruth, she would tell herself. She knew my mother, and sometimes tells me about her. Stories are all anyone can give to me. And I know I have to be satisfied with that until I can make my own.

  If this is the world God has made, I wish God had made another. I do not like this one. It is not good, so why is it called the Good Book?

  These thoughts were in Callie’s mind and her heart and she did not know how she would forget them. Daily she prayed that God would welcome her to heaven, even with her bad thoughts. I do not want to go to the other place for all the lost souls.

  “I do not want to understand,” she finally told her papa as she had told herself so many times when she was alone in the night and no one was listening.

  “This is no way to live. These laws are hateful and awful, and have such ugliness about them. We are a family. You, Mama Ruth, Joseph, Little Charlie, and I are a family,” she repeated. “It is wrong to break apart a family—to include some and leave out others.”

  • • •

  The night before the sale, Mister Henry ordered Callie to stay in the room of his daughter, Suse, until his business was complete the next morning. Suse was Callie’s responsibility. Besides helping in the kitchen and some housework, Callie had to tend to Suse. When Suse had need of her or when she was sick, Callie slept on a pallet on the floor next to Suse’s bed. But this night, Callie hardly slept.

  The news had caused such a commotion, such a mess after Mister Henry announced his intentions. All day long Mister Henry’s announcement rang in Callie’s ears like an out-of-tune bell. And all day long she had plotted and planned what she would do when night fell and the house was settled and quiet.

  The mess and commotion would only grow worse come the next morning when Mister Arnold Tweet arrived to collect his property.

  Suse had fallen asleep hours ago. But Callie’s mind twisted and turned. Her heart pounded and ached. She lay on her floor bedding, fully dressed, waiting for the moment when there was no movement from the floorboards, letting her know that everyone in the Big House was asleep. The house was quiet.

  Callie had already made up her mind.

  She sprang from the floor. Even without a lit candle to guide her, she knew where to go. Walking through the darkness, Callie knew where to place her steps so that she missed the floorboards and the stairs that creaked. She knew how to push in on the door handle when she opened the door to Suse’s room so there was no noise. Callie had become practiced at this. Many times before this she had sneaked out of the Big House. Sometimes she would be with Suse, maybe to count the stars or wish on them. Sometimes Callie would go alone. And when she was alone she would speak her wish for freedom out loud to the night. Or she’d steal away to her cabin where her family slept, and she would sit and listen to the quietness and their breathing.

  She hated those nights when it was demanded that she sleep in Suse’s room.

  This time Callie was not counting stars or seeking the comfort of her family. Callie’s heart raced. She moved quickly through the night heading to the kitchen house, careful not to disturb Elsa, the cook, who slept there. Callie grabbed the bundle of food and supplies she had hidden in the kitchen earlier that day. She hoped there was enough for two. If not, Papa had taught them how to catch fish with their bare hands. Joseph was even better at fishing this way than Papa.

  She headed to the old barn. Joseph was housed there with the two other men. The barn was not of much use anymore. Mister Henry had already sold most of the farm animals. What was left of them could all be kept in the smaller barn.

  Callie had decided there was nothing left to do but for the two of them to run away together. She had heard stories of slaves who had escaped their masters, but she had never heard the outcome of their fate. Her only hope was that by sunup they would have gotten far enough away from Belle Hill Farm. Callie would not allow herself to think of all that she loved that she was leaving behind.

  When things were settled, they would somehow get word to Papa and Mama Ruth to let them know they were safe and free.

  There was only a sliver of a moon. Callie went to the side of the barn where the boards were slack. She wiggled the boards to loosen the nails until she had enough room to squeeze through.

  It was dark and musty. The air was still and close. She could see no shapes, but she could hear someone whimper.

  “Joseph,” Callie called. “It’s me, Callie,” she whispered across the darkness.

  “Callie-girl? What are yo
u doing here?”

  “I’ve come to set you free, Joseph. I can’t let him do this to you. I can’t let you be sold away from us. We can run away together.”

  “Oh, Callie-girl,” Joseph said, trying to keep his sobs quiet. She could hear the chains rattling as he turned in her direction.

  “Papa already tried, Callie. He came and talked to all of us earlier tonight,” Joseph admitted.

  “Did Mama Ru . . . ?”

  “No, Papa said she wanted to come but I asked him to keep her away from here.”

  “Joseph, what are we going to do?”

  “Unless you brought something that can break these chains, I’m going nowhere until morning.”

  “Oh, Joseph,” she cried. And when she reached out to hug him she could feel that his face was wet from tears.

  “Oh, Joseph, what can we do?” Callie sobbed. “What can we do?”

  “You remember what Papa told us about our stars?” Callie nodded her head. “I’ll remember them, Callie-girl. Will you?”

  “Yes, Joseph. I promise I will. I promise.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Callie and Suse

  That same day

  Suse sat on the bench of her mirrored dressing table. She was brushing her hair and humming a song a little too loudly.

  “Ouch,” she shouted while the brush fell to the floor. She wanted Callie to notice her or speak to her, say something to her. But Callie’s attention was someplace else. She never even looked in Suse’s direction. She lay on the floor facing the opposite wall.

  When Suse realized Callie was paying her no mind, she put the brush down a little too hard on the table. Then she got the high back chair from the other side of her room and placed it against the wall that was farthest from the window.

  “Now, Callie Wilcomb, you listen to me. You get up from this floor. You must sit up and keep to this chair,” Suse said, pointing quickly and with authority. Callie was slow to move, but Suse could not sit still. Every other minute or two she would get up from her dressing table and sashay around the room, moving past the window for a peek of what was going on in the yard as she continued humming her song and brushing her hair.

  Callie was flooded with memories and sad thoughts.

  “Today,” Suse announced, hesitantly turning toward Callie, “you may not brush my hair this morning. I will do that for myself!”

  Callie did not care the least bit about the knots in Suse’s hair. She did not want to notice the girl, but Suse demanded her attention. She wondered if this might be Suse’s way of caring for her. Suse was so hard to understand.

  Suse knew Callie balked at brushing out the tangles of her hair more than she did. Still, it was too much effort to consider the twisting and turnings of Suse’s mind. Callie sat sideways on the chair, her head turned away from Suse and the window, and leaned against the back of the chair. She was limp as wet clothes hanging on the clothesline.

  From the bedroom window you could see the whole of the farmyard. Suse was delighted to watch what was happening. She had never seen the likes of a slave sale before. Normally, Mister Henry kept these matters private, preferring to go into town to the slave market alone or with one of the overseers. But the news of the war turned everything upside down. Out of convenience to Mister Tweet and an eagerness to get this sale over with, Mister Henry conducted his business right in the farmyard!

  Suse could not contain her excitement. She wanted to chatter about what was going on in the farmyard. Callie was the only one nearby.

  Callie had made it clear she did not want to know one little thing of the misery Mister Henry Warren was making this day.

  “Albert and John are already strapped into the wagon for the long trip south,” she exclaimed with excitement in her voice. “Now Mister Tweet is looking Joseph over.”

  It was of little consequence to Callie that Suse announced every interaction. Callie already knew what was happening because Mama Ruth’s cries grew even louder.

  Finally, Suse slapped Callie’s arm with the back of her hairbrush so that she would look up when she spoke to her.

  “Callie, now, you pay attention to me,” Suse demanded.

  Callie looked at Suse as if for a moment she did not remember who she was.

  “It hurts me to hear my Mama Ruth cry,” she told her. “I should be with her. I think she needs me now.”

  “Just you never mind about that, Callie. I need you more. Daddy and I insist you are here in my room with me!

  “This is for your own good—our own good! You know Daddy knows what is best for us all. He has his family and all these other mouths to feed. So don’t you go and bring temper to me, Callie! I just won’t have it.” She turned away from Callie but kept right on talking.

  “There is great need for farm labor in the Deep South,” Suse explained, sounding so much like Mister Henry.

  “The war has started, Callie. You know this!” Suse added, raising her voice almost to a scream as she went to her dressing table and took something from the drawer.

  “Just look at this and see for yourself.” She held up a newspaper advertisement so that Callie could see it. She read the advertisement, pointing out every word:

  Wanted, Slave Labor!

  In the South, Cotton is King.

  There is Cash Money to be made!

  Each slave is sold for $2000.

  Callie only nodded. She refused to look at Suse or the paper she was holding. It was not temper that kept her from looking. Callie was feeling lost, as lost and disoriented as she did that night when the two girls went exploring in Old Man Calper’s Cave. That was the night Callie saw a side of Suse she had not seen before. That night Suse ran away and left Callie behind alone in Calper’s Cave.

  The fear overtook her, growing through her body like weeds. She didn’t think she would ever stop shaking. Her fright was so strong and the cave was so dark, she felt that she had all but disappeared and ended up in the awful place for all the lost souls.

  After Papa and Joseph rescued her, and brought her home, they all three sat together on the step of their cabin. Callie would not let go of Papa’s hand.

  “I thought I was going to be lost forever,” Callie whispered to Papa.

  “Oh, Callie-girl. You can never be lost from me!” Papa exclaimed.

  “But I was. I didn’t think I would see you or Joseph, or Mama Ruth, or Little Charlie . . . again,” she cried.

  “Pshaw,” Papa laughed dismissively, and hugged her. Then Papa looked up toward the heavens, moving his head from side to side this way and that as if he were searching for something important he left behind up there. Papa’s actions made Callie laugh in spite of herself, which made Joseph laugh too.

  “Look up, Callie. You too, Joseph,” Papa said, pointing upward. “Can you find the Big Dipper?” he asked.

  “There it is!” Joseph pointed triumphantly.

  “Now, listen to me, both of you. And I don’t want you to ever forget what I am saying to you tonight.” Joseph and Callie shook their heads and Papa spoke again.

  “Wherever you are, wherever you go, or whatever happens to you in this life, know that you can never be lost from me.

  “If ever you find yourself thinking this way, stop it! You find those stars in the sky. Know that if you see those stars, the same stars that your mama and papa see, know you can never be lost from us. Those are your stars, Callista,” he said. “Your name comes from those stars.”

  Callie blinked a few times and sniffled.

  “And wherever we go, we never go alone. Family comes with us all the time, in our hearts, in our minds.”

  Callie repeated the thing Papa had told her before.

  “Yes, that’s right.” Papa said, laughing. “Once you belong to a family, you are never alone. You always belong to them.”

  “Those stars sure shine pretty tonight,” Joseph said, smiling and taking in a big breath of the night air.

  “Because you are mine, you will always be safe,” Papa said, and pu
t his arms around both his children, wrapping them up in a safe cocoon. Callie let herself feel how good it was to hear Papa’s breathing and the beating of his heart.

  “I am safe,” Callie told Papa. “Because you are mine, I am safe.”

  • • •

  Suse and Callie loved to explore the world around them. It was at these times when the two could be free to be themselves and the roles they had to play in life would drop away. They could act as friends. They could be brave together. They would run and yell and giggle. They would dream and imagine and make wishes on stars or skip rocks on the fishing pond.

  They had explored as far as they dared go in the forests around Belle Hill Farm. They had explored all of the attic rooms of the house. It was the times like these that every so often Callie forgot the rules between slave and master and she thought Suse did, too. Callie tried hard to remember these times when Suse was having one of her mean spells.

  “I think I know that Suse likes me,” Callie told Mama Ruth one day when the two were pulling weeds in the garden.

  “I don’t know what would make you think that,” Mama Ruth said as she looked at Callie.

  “She has said as much, in her way,” Callie told Mama Ruth as she remembered the day when Suse explained to her the way things were between them and why they had to be that way.

  “I could be closer to you, Callie—a lot closer to you,” Suse had begun. “But there is a line Daddy says I must never ever cross.”

  “A line?” Callie had asked her. “What does that mean?”

  “A line between you and me—a line between us and all of you,” she had gestured, trying to make Callie understand.

  That afternoon the two girls were outside in the tobacco fields. This was before the soil had grown barren, but Suse kicked the tobacco plant with her boots, as if she did not care one whit for the hands that would pick it come harvest time.

  “Yes, a line, he said. I asked him how come, and do you know what he said?” she had asked, very proud that she had an answer Callie did not.